the small in the office is rancid. and because i accidentally spilled antibacterial on my crotch this am, i know it's not me...

this guy didn't apply, so there's no breach.

http://hobbitdance.com/index.html

i would encourage this girl NOT to marry this guy.

it's hard to be skinny after you've been fat.

"why's it as cold as a bear's a** in here!!!" -LM

it takes me twice as long to read resumes, if i go back and pick out the funnies:

Experience:
Learning and Scholarly Technologies

chirp, where you at??

amazon 2010. dead serious.

men who play paintball are semi attractive.

men who play paintball and wear these, get f*cked.

writer's block.

i swear it wasn't militious.. but i just talked sarah into joining "asianfriendfinder.com".

a couple years ago, my friend was dating an asian.. this is how it ended.

donald trump?

she's unraveling!

Having studied the male Chinese population for quite some time now I’ve come to the following conclusions about what types of women these men are physically attracted to:

Exhibit A: Ling Zhi Ling – Taiwanese Model - I believe she is very representative of the type of girl passive/conservative Chinese men are typically attracted to

Exhibit B: Aisa – From Taiwanese Pop Group Da Mouth – This is the type of girl my ex bf’s are very drawn to. Superficial, shallow and vapid Chinese men like the glam, high maintenance looking girls.

Exhibit C: Lisa Ling – American Journalist/The View – More Americanized Chinese men with stronger personalities tend to go for girls with very structured faces, I’ve noticed. They like classy modern women who are also very Americanized.

Exhibit D: Female Jersey Shore cast (Specifically Sammi and Snooki) – If I was to categorize myself physically, I think a combination of Sammi and Snooki from Jersey would best represent my looks… minus the boobs… No Chinese men are attracted to this…

a sweet mid day note: 2:21pm [text]

"i smelled crotch and it reminded me of yesterday." - Chris

dis.gus.ting.

this is what breakfast at blue plate diner looks like.. that's all grease right there..

how rhode island sells ish.

i took this pic of this sign twirler form afar. but when we got closer i fell in love with her. nothing cuter than an old woman dressed as the statue of liberty! i wish i woulda stop and talked to her :D

this was hard to get, but i soooo wanted to shake hands with it.

i don't want brett michaels to die.

never too early to plan.

12:29am est

"i just am so anxious.. it's an out of body experience... i dont know how to feel. ya know what i mean tho? have you ever felt like that?" -PG

"ya....................... a quarter of my life." -chris

finding love.

"oh chris, you're definitely a builder!!!" - PG

"WHAT?? i'm not persistant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Chris

i know i'm pretty... BUT IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS!

I don't give a Jesus fuck, I'm so in love with you. Whether or not it's the same for you, accept the pain or reject the truth, nothing you can do will explain the proof. Nothing in my life has ever explained you, that's why the pain that I've felt seems like a drain for youth. You made me grow up and realize I'm so much older than you, although the fact that my life simply revolves around you, proves that Saturn and it's rings gravitate what love brings, you and my daughter are my favourite things, and my lust for life encourages everything, everything that life seems, to push me forward with the ability to bless earthly beings.....I could never hide my feelings, so good luck if you hate me, or relate to those who have attempted to switch and bait me. Or is it bait and switch? Like it or not you are my life although life is a ? I know the dialect but choose to skip over, cause even when you hate me, your like a 12 leaf clover. So push me away if you
really wanna see, the tenacity that resides inside of me, I know this is just an email, that to you means nothing, this only the tip of the iceberg that eventually becomes something.

Sent from my iPhone

9:05pm

coming back to brenda's house after dinner, brenda realizes her roommate's home as the lights are on in the house:

"oh you guys can meet my roommate, since she's home" -brenda

"wow, how do you know she's home" -chris

"ohhh this is YOUR house???" -chris

pre-algebra with calc.

stall 1: pube
stall 2: occupied
stall 4: unidentified lump
stall 3: likely clean 'cause of hard to open door..

WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE??

"that girl looks so jewish"

elle emailed me this craigslist ad.. but not as a joke. i have GREAT legs..

Female Model for Knee/Thigh High Socks

Date: 2010-04-17, 10:01AM

Looking to work with a female model (no experience necessary) to model various types of knee/thigh high socks for project that documents all fun/sexy/interesting types of socks. Would be big plus if you have a wide range and assortment of socks already in your closet..if not some will be provided for the photos. Please email pictures (full body ones that show legs as this is important part in pics) and a phone number and availability. Would like to work Friday 4/23 or Monday 4/26 on the pics.

• Location: Seattle/Eastside
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Negiotiable

every pretty girl needs a gay best friend.. i'm real pretty, so i have 35.

Barry Alexander: is mending my battle wound from gay skate night. Of course Mr. Coordinated biffed it 30 minutes in and now my wrist hurts :(

most days i feel ugly, some days, i'm excited that at least i'm an actual female.

i hope to marry someone like him *swoon*

"i told her to stay put, but the next minute i see her in the vacuum aisle."

"so what happened?"

"what do you mean what happened, we walked out with a $200 vacuum.."

"..what kind."

"idk what kind! she picked it out.. she picked it out and i paid for it. she always picks stuff out, and i pay for it."


LOVE.

i literally just rolled my eyes at the IM box 'cause i can't stand the person who IM'd me.

thankfully i've had my coffee.

we reimburse our candidates for any travel expenses made while they visited our office.

I got an email today with receipts from a couple of months ago from a producer candidate:

"here they are, i guess i'm a procrastinator for sure."

i almost replied "lol yup, guess that's why they didn't hire you.."

opposable thumbs.

my friend mike just stared at my walet for a good three minutes trying to turn that lil knob "seriously how do you get into this??!?!?"


"................... you unZIP it..."

"......"

not an oz of me believes this guy committed a murder.

"email all"

Company Lunch Bulletin 4/19/10:

Request from Sean Steimer:
Does anyone know where to buy a sword in Seattle?

around the office..

"nooo! you're WRONG! humans have an innate ability to metabolize salt!! IT'S IN OUR GENETIC MAKEUP!"

i wasn't gonna post this.. but mr. bear is re-introduced..

Rejected by the Chinese Man (Frustrations Part 1)

Today at 1:23am

Dear Diary,

Honestly, I'm starting to get really frustrated. I don't get it.
Have my circumstances changed soo much that I am no longer appealing to men from my same ethnic group? Especially, physically.

It's quite demoralizing when the last few guys I've made an effort to hit on have in a way rejected me (a show of dis-interest makes it very obvious).

I mean, it's not that hard, you flirt a little bit, then try to make small physical advances on them and wah-la! you somehow end up talking about each others fav pastimes and he asks you for your number so you can "get-together" sometime...

Life is difficult I tell you. I feel like i'm trying to play soccer with a football... it just doesn't work no matter how much effort you put in because the damned football isn't round...

A lot of this has to do with my physical appearance and demeanor for sure... I don't get far enough with some of these guys for them to judge me any other way...

Of course, the type of guys I'm trying to hit on are these ultra-conservative, seemingly passive Chinese guys who barely glance at me even while i'm standing right in front of them... it's pretty sad =(

I guess I must admit that my super conservative Taiwanese mother may be right...
I never listened when she nagged me about being too "dark," wearing too much make-up, being too fat, talking too loudly and obnoxiously, being too masculine, dressing too revealing etc etc... and this list is endless...

I am not "STANDARD" and I understand that.... don't people like different anymore???

I guess I shouldn't be talking because i'm looking for a pretty standard Chinese man.

Anyways, I'm definitely not trying to force things to happen for me, i'm merely just "trying" because you can't just expect a perfect man to fall straight into your lap...

I don't NEED a man, but I would like to have the chance to have one that I am ACTUALLY attracted to or LIKE for that matter.... doesn't have to be now, but it surely seems like NEVER at this point because I somehow keep getting filtered out by these Chinese men... YOU SIFT FLOUR TO GET THE CLUMPS OUT RIGHT?! AND OBVIOUSLY I'M A PRETTY BIG CLUMP...

It's fine I guess...

This rut I am in is definitely perpetuating my current relationship status, which is the "I'm still trying to get over him completely" away message
i've had this record on replay for far too long and it's going to start driving me nutso....

I'm over it.... Mr. Bear and I think we are awesome and I LIKE my butt pudge/love handles neways... Chinese guys can suck it!

DRAG YOUR FEET LOUDER!!!

WIIIISSSSHHHH i was makin this stuff up..

Rejected by the Chinese Man (Frustrations Part 2)

Today at 10:42am

Dear Chinese Man,

I’m sorry, I didn’t really mean what I said. That was really rude and unlady-like of me to tell you to “suck it.” I will try to be more appropriate next time.

I just want to state my case and also enlighten you on my attractive female qualities that I think would interest you if you allowed me the chance to showcase them to you.

I understand that you are physically attracted to the Hyori, Boa and Wonder Girls types, sorry, you will have to look past this as I can only lose weight, but will never have a petite delicate pretty frame/face and even less possible to change my ethnicity.

No matter what, you are going to have to move on from the looks part… somehow I believe that you will come to love my “All-American” body and artificially tan skin. I have been told that I have decent “ASS-ets” but you probably were never a butt guy so I guess that wouldn’t work in my favor.

Anyways, I want to highlight some important qualities that I know you are looking for in a woman. Actually, I think you honestly only have 3 things on your checklist. Looks (we’ve already established that I fail on this one in every way), cute personality and domesticated. 2/3 isn’t too bad… you can’t have everything right ^_~.

Cuteness: I am so very very cute it is disgusting. I know that wasn’t a very validating statement but this is what I mean. I like Hello Kitty. No, I am OBSESSED over anything Hello Kitty. Nothing more, nothing less… if you look up “cute” in the dictionary it will read “Hello Kitty,” but to sweeten the deal, I have a stuffed bear named Mr. Bear that I play with/talk to EVERYday as if it were real. I believe that I have already tipped the scale on my cuteness factor and need not go on. ---I watch cartoons regularly…

I know I said “cute personality,” but what the heck is considered a cute personality… if whiny, pouty, excessively girly, and high pitched voices constitute cute personality than I also do all of that, but only on occasion. I would not think to highlight such “characteristics” as I’m sure that “ANNOYING” would and should more appropriately describe such a girl. But I guess that’s just my opinion and guys like this nonetheless…. Okay so I fail.

Domesticated: I try… give me an “A” for effort… Honestly, domestication is easily learned and I am strongly against women falling into a role of “domestication” because it is standard… this is sexist and wrong. As long as you do not expect me to be domesticated… you will see that I am because I want you to feel comfortable.

To be continued…

i'd rather have sex with a twinkie than lose my virginity to a beer.

*cricket.....crick..et.."

after reading my blog last night, j again stated "i still can't believe you've never been on a real date before.."

but it's good in the hood.

[.. strawberry banana smoothie, non-fat, no protein.. strawberry banana smoothie. ya, and one of those wrap things.. the wheat one with the chicken or whatever.. there's like hummus.. or if not, i'll just get the pumkin bread.. total fatty, good job.. strawberry bana..]

"Hey girl! triple grande non-fat latte, oatmeal with nuts and two honeys?"

"yup~!"

:(

the skin on my legs is cold... my legs are cold.

but what if you go on your first date.. twice.

have you ever been raped of your virginity whilst drunk.. only to wake up and be ensured that it wasn't RAPE ... just pressured???

now tell me, have you ever gone on a date with that person 10 years late?

...let's unfold that second first date:

my friend was recently contacted by the guy she'd lost her virginty to on facebook.. now the details of how here hymen came loose are still in question, but we all know where the heart is.. it's in adobe, under shapes.. 'cause this story has nothing to do with heart.

he sweettalked her over the phone with lines like "i work on autobody things" and "i've changed since high school... i used to think i was cool.. now i go to bible study."

she agreed to go on a date with him..

"cool you wanna come over right now?" he asked. (a thirty min drive)

"no dude.. call me later this week"

they decide to meet for "alice in wonderland" followed by drinks.

he was late.. as he was arriving via bus.

...wearing a backpack... and plaque.

"do you wanna get high before the movie, my backpack is full of herb."

"why'd you take the bus here? i'm not takin you home.."

"aww.. umm my license got taken away.."

"what? why.."

"hey the movie's starting.."

throughout the movie, he romanticly grasped her hand, claiming he was scared. you know, the ol' "pg flicks make me tinkle."

later they had sweet conversation about a reformed life "my friends and i get high and this guy that read the bible tells us about it."

as he walked back to her car, he sorta forced her into a kiss before she got in. then he headed for the bus.

how nice to get to cut it short, as his transportation closes at dusk.

24 hours go by and not a peep.

at this point we think we're off the hook.

'cept for the text at the 24 hr mark.

"hey i had fun last night we should do it again."

"what'd you do today?" she asked.

"awww umm.. crazy thing.. on the way to the bus, i got arrested. ya, i spent the night in jail again.."

first date... which one?

i've never been on a date.

i'm serious.. they call me "flavor of the week" (yes, i turn guys like tp) but honestly the only date i'd ever been on was a year ago, to distract myself from j for a min.

i've decided to do a short series on some of my "first dates".

This is a blog for byron.. who subscribes to my RSS.

*throat clear*

i got an email one day, a couple years back now, from a drummer. yes, if i'm dating you you're a drummer.. but your name changes.

he claimed that a mutual aquaintence, cisqo adler, had told him about me when they'd played a show together. we started emailing and at some point down the line, we decided that i would go to his show that he was playing with buck cherry and tommy lee.

but let's cut to the meat/meet:

we decided to meet at a bar on july 4th, 2008.

i should prolly point out here, that he was in no way local. in fact, i had to fly to scottsdale, and stay with my best friend, in order to even see him.

well i didn't want to meet him alone in the middle of the night at a bar, like a loser. so i dragged her along.

we're there a few minutes before he shows up, and then we get to chatting, totally shutting my best friend out.

about ten minutes go by when i notice he's staring across the bar.

so i'm like "dude, you ok?"

"ya, ya.. sorry"

so we get to talkin again.. at which point he starts starin off.. AGAIN.

and so i interupt.. "who're you starin at.. do you wanna go talk to her?"

"YA!"

so he runs off across the bar to warmly embrace some girl, that is there with his lookalike.

he's gone for a few minutes, at which point i start to introduce my friend back into life.

he comes back..

"is there a story there?" -me

"sorry about that, that's my old roommate."

"ooohhhhh ok.."

so we start yappin again..

and then...


"I CAN'T DO THIS!!!" and he runs out.

we follow him out and he's like pacing back and forth. i'm like "dude what's wrong?"

"i'm sorry i'm sorry, you're so beautiful and i'm sorry"

"..."

"i've been in love with that girl for a year and a half, and we used to live together, but she won't date me, but now she's dating my freakin twin, are you kidding!?"

so at this point i'm like "k this guy's dunzo anyhow, so i may as well be helpful me and lend some advice"

"sit down tell me your tale.."

so he procedes to tell me how he's been in love with her and what not, for 45 MINUTES.

as he slowly cools down, he realizes that he's been talking the whole time "i'm so sorry, you're so beautfiul, and you flew out her, and i'm so sorry, i really wanna date you"

"that's not going to happen.. but why don't i tell you a funny story, to get your mind off this?"

so i did.

it was the funniest story ever.

my craziest story EVER.

and he LOVED it.

but what i must point out here, is that this story was awful, graphic, crazy, scary, and beyond.. but it wasn't MY fault.. it was my environment, it was other people, it was EPIC.

he laughed HARD and for a long time.

so then i suggested he tell me a tale. [we're at two hours on the clock, and my friend is just sitting in a corner]

"i have the funniest story too!"

"k, shoot!"

"so my last band i was in, there were five of us.. we did everything together.. that's actually the band i played with for cisqo.. well one night, we had just done a set, and went out to celebrate.. we were coked out of our minds.. i was at the bar, eyein the crap out of this chick.. she was hot.. she was the hottest chick i'd ever seen.. i mean she was Fllllyyy."

"well'd you talk to her???"

"she had a wedding ring on.."

"YOU DID NOT!"

"..."

"shhhuutt up shut up shut up.. you did not!!!"

"well she was eyein me too"

"are you serious, i can't believe you did that, that's so sad"

"well there's more.."

"beyond sleeping with a married woman?"

"well she and her husband approached me and..."

"YOU HAD A THREESOME WITH A MARRIED COUPLE?"

"..."

"THERE'S MORE???"

" we went back to their place, we were all coked up, my band and i .."

"your band went"

"well.. my band, her husband and i.. we gangbanged her."


"WHAT???"

"in front of her dad."

"WHHHHHHHHHHHATTT"

at that point as you can imagine we decided to part ways.

sometime the next day, however, he talked me into hanging out at the house later that night.

we headed over after the show.. again, i brought my friend.

he actually was really cool, minus the gangbang.. so we swam around and hung out a bit talkin..

"you know, i'm super glad you gave me a second chance.. first i talk about my old roommate, then i tell you i'm in love with her.."

"dude, you thought THAT was the worst part??? what about the GANGBANG??"

"what?"

"the gangabang."

"which one?"

realistically, i don't even have time to be a heartless bitch on the weekends anymore..

giovanni's not a name!!!!

.. i can't wait to date one.

an "aha moment" - oprah

Sarah Henderson: Note to self: My status updates may in fact be the reason why I'm chronically single at ALL TIMES

what famous person do YOU look like?

this guy just waddled down the hall singing "adummm dummm dumm adummm"

over and over, it was semi soothing and romantic.. i tapped my foot along.

and then i realized it's 'cause he reminded me of scuttle from little mermaid.

THEY ARE IDENTICAL!

and the thunder rolls..

Sarah Henderson: What? So if I pick up my old underwear off the floor (that I’ve worn once) and flip it inside out and wear it again it’s gross??? I can’t seriously be the only person that does that right? I DON'T do it regularly…. Only on the days I’m too lazy to walk over to my underwear drawer… which I guess………

j used to joke with me about wearing his underwear inside out a long time ago.. and i believed him.. tho he insists it's a common joke.. which i took this to be..

until..

i'm VERY clean... wearing you old underwear inside out is CLEANER than if you go cammando... which I do too if I can't find any underwear hahahahaha or forget... whichever comes first.

and then..

and please note that I definately DO NOT do this with THONGS... even I think that's foul... you should never floss your ass with the same string.

somewhere in there, even CHRIS would be able to tell sarah why she's still single.

WE BROKE UP A YEAR AND A HALF AGOOOO!

"Rescue"

I rescued you once, teh first time we met. If you're my friend, rescue me asap.

5552538695

Sent from my iPhone



[the first time we met, i went home with the guy i had gone out with that night. AND I NEEDED A RIDE HOME.]

ajsdfkjasiofj STOP TALKING TO ME.

i am the personification of awkward.

on a trip to target that should've taken two minutes if i weren't broken, a special needs associate, suggested i use this cart. he took my crutches and put them up at customer service. normally, i'd turn down such an offer, for fear of looking awkward.. but i gladly accepted, noting his sense of accomplishment.

it took me roughly 40 minutes to maneuver around the store in search of wet wipes.

i finally made it to the approximate area, when avoiding a foreigner, a pole, and a stack of baskets, i got squished between the condom/lube aisle, and the tampon aisle, austin powers stlye...

and then my moto-cart died.

awesome, i thought to myself as a man tried to push me out of the way.

i waited patiently like a fool, until finally i saw a sales associate. i expressed my dilema and the need for my crutches, and off she went.

and i waited.

annnnd i waited.

and then up walks a lil punk style kid "excuse me i need a dollar for my car. i am 17."

"what?"

"i'm 17.."

"ya, no i don't even have my purse."

"..."

"listen, i've got bigger fish to fry," i said under my breath.

then the lady FINALLY returns "hi, i guess i will have to grab your stuff, anything else you need"

i try to think fast...

"wet wipes.."

WET WIPES??? seriously? ya, that'll go great with my lube.. wth!!

so i quickly exclaimed "i need my crutches!"

"where are they?"

"umm in customer service.."

so she yells across the store "ABBBY WE NEED HER [acts out "crutches"]"

"her what?" - abby

"[acts out crutches]"

i texted j my dilema... to which i received the most adorable text "are you at the one by safeway?? i will call them and tell them you need help . side note, this needs to be on your blog"

this doesn't make sense!

why would someone close down the cannery that keeps doll-face 1 and doll-face 2 employed??

i make blanket statements.. don't worry about it.

no resume/no cover letter.. just an email:

"I worked with html."

9:36pm

"you're not gonna believe what happened! i can't believe what i just did.. i like couldn't stop staring at her double chin, 'cause there seemed to be a cat hair or something on it. well, it was as long as a cat hair, but it looked like a pube.. but then i got closer to wipe it away, and it looked like a BUNCH of pubes! and then i realized she had pubes on her double chin! .. but what do you do?? what do you do when you've already pointed it out?? so i was just like "oops.. oh, i got it.."i shouldn't've done it, i should've just continued staring at it witout doing nothing.. but it's like was she seriously just sittin there bein like "i just have this goatee creating underneath me"?" -Chris

but i can tell you what's happening on "deadliest catch" tonight.

idk if you guys have seen those new ads, that you can touch and manipulate, and they move all about..

..but i found one today.. and tested it out.. and then i got excited about my testing, and really started to move it and shake it.. and...


..annnndd..

aaaaannndddd...

...and F*ck I'M DIZZY.

you mean spending time together???

"ya idk what they did.. i think something like met for breakfast then went on a hike or something.. you know.. they do the same kind of stuff you and j do .. that's like not really anything, but like it's fun to YOU GUYS.." - Chris

103,520 people are fans of Marshalls.

WHAT?!

i know, i know.. yer wondering who the hot guy with the striped shirt to the right is..

as j would say, "hottttieee"

new apps for my phone!!!

looking for hotels last night on my phone.. i came across the following apps:

"so sexy hotel girl"

sexy girls of japanese girl album. they are so cute and sexy for every real man. we add the function to set wallpaper in this version. so you can enjoy them every day when you want. if everybody like it we will provide more difference girl's pictures. enjoy your life every day.


well someone MUST have liked it.. 'cause they came out with:

"so sexy hotel girl2"

the best sexy hot girl in asian, europe, us. snake girl. beautiful face and body. see the long legs, nise breast, and more. are you a real man? collect them all as dolls. set them on your wallpaper. you will be cool and enjoy everyday.

complaints about the app:

"ads across middle of pic, soooo lame!"

"what's with the ads on the pics??"

black leather chaps.

these exist.. like at pdx.. but still, they exist..

stupid blogger is down, but i have a closeup.. soon to come.

be proud of your achievements in life.. 555..

i haven't even read this, i'm just most certain it's gold..


This article that Josh shared with me is semi accurate. I thought it would be entertaining to respond to the list as if it was a questionnaire hahah. Ladies, you should go through and answer some of these for yourself. Pretty interesting~

Link: http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/women_s_secrets/

30 Secrets Every Woman Keeps from Her Man – Sarah adds commentary
By: Kathryn Eisman

My Best Friend Knows Everything
***This is true, esp. your size and how attractive I find you

Your Hands Turn Me On
***Uhm not really, I don’t notice a man’s hands unless you have smaller hands than me… in which case you must be shorter than me and that is a NO GO

I Sleep in Your T-Shirt
***Yes, this I do… I will sleep in your T-shirt 7 days/wk – 365 days/yr. and I will wear it out into public not because it reminds me of you, but because it is WAYY more comfortable than wearing my own clothes… that and I will also need a pair of your boxers…

I Lie About My Number
***No, lying about your number is wrong. Be proud of your achievements in life…

I Fantasized About You
***Yes, but certainly not as much as you think I do. I honestly spend most of my time fantasizing about having sex with famous people esp. Wang Lee hom or Wilbur Pan. This will never change…

I Compare You to My Exes
***Yes, all women do this… you compare us to your ex’s… do you not?

I've Googled Your Exes
***Yes, not google, but facebook them. I will first have to hunt down who they are by going through all your facebook pictures and if I can’t find her there… I will ask you probing questions until you give me enough information to look her up somewhere online.

I Lose My Appetite
***No, this will never be possible

My Body isn't Always this Smooth
***No, I honestly don’t care if my body is smooth or not. I’m naturally hairless… I do, however, shave my crotch regularly, but not for you… I just don’t like it itching.

I Can Be Disorganized
***Yes, I am.

I Know About Your Porn Stash
***Yes, I don’t need to search for your porn stash… I will be able to tell easily if you are the type of person who watches a lot of it… the more I think you watch it, the less ass you will be getting.

I Always Need Extra Time
***Yes and No.

I'm Usually Late
***Yes, I tend to be 15 mins. late on avg. You, however, better not be late. I’m late because I like walking in and seeing that you are waiting for me. Don’t ruin the experience.

You've Made Me Cry
***Yes, and if you make me cry, I will make you sorry.

I Like When You Call
***Yes, I like when you call me. Please call, don’t text me. Don’t make the mistake of not calling me often enough because you don’t want to seem desperate, I’d rather be annoyed with you then be like “Where’s my call bitch”… when I start thinking I’m not cool enough for you to call regularly… I will for sure CALL YOU… tell you exactly how annoyed I am that you haven’t called me and if you persist with not calling… I will move on - no questions asked… just make sure you don’t’ regret it.

I Want You to Talk a Little Dirty
***No, I’m not into that. I talk dirty on a regular basis and find it humorous… so if you don’t want to make me laugh then don’t do this.

I Saved Your Voice Mails
***No, I don’t listen to my voicemails.

I Wear Granny Underwear
***YES! I do. I wear them with everything, even my sexy dresses. My butt likes loose things… get used to it.

I Spend a Lot on Clothes
***Yes, this I do. Make-up, tanning, nails, hair etc etc you name it… man hunting is an expensive hobby. I am not nearing debt yet, but if I get any older, I may need to start getting some major surgery, in which case I may need to take out a loan.

I'm Constantly Testing You
***Yes, I’m testing to see how stupid you are… be prepared.

I Check Your Butt Out
***No, I do not check out men’s butts… I don’t have that kind of fetish… you just need to be tall.

I Need to Know You Want Me
***Yes, you definitely need to want me. I will not be with a man who doesn’t want to “rape” me every second they are with me… I didn’t spend all this money for nothing.

I Love It When You're Jealous
***No, jealous guys make life difficult. You have to understand I have a lot of male friends.

You're Sexy When You Go to Work
***Heck yes, I love men who wear suits to work… omfg… it’s crazy sexy. Yes…. I also like TIES… fuck

I Start Fights When I Feel Ignored
***Yes and No, I don’t know what I would do if a guy ignored me? Hrm….. I’ll have to think about this one.

I Think You're Cheap if I Pay
***Yes and No, I will pay my way no problem. All I’m going to say is that I like generous men…

I've Fantasized About Your Best Friend
***No, I do not fantasize about other “normal” guys esp. your friends. I will assume that you will always be the hottest one out of all of them, if not, then we have a problem. I only fantasize about Chinese pop stars anyways.

My Friends Know Things Before You
***Yes, just be glad that I have friends and I am not DEVOTING my entire life to you. You will rather me tell my friends everything about you (that you don’t want them to know) than have me leech onto you. It is not cool for a girl to not have her own life.

I Get Nostalgic About Us
***Yes, if you are tall and Chinese… I will miss yo’ ass.

I Want You to Take Control in Bed
***I don’t have a response for this.

ima need you to send me emails if you want me to put up sarah henderson's latest "30 secrets i keep from my man"

reason enough!

"l'm looking for a full time job to help pay for my student loans."

i knew there was a reason i got to work early today..

this is a "touch up". GIVE ME A BREAK!

i HATE perfect people!

crazy, nuts, bananas. pretty cool!

Sarah Henderson:

If you go home with a guy after a night of boozing, it is always smart to notify him that he needs to take you to dinner first before he gets the sex. Most likely, “his other brain” picked you out and not his non-functioning “functional brain,” (if you don’t care fine whatever) but chances are he’s not going to think y...ou are his dream girl… don’t be a cheap-ho… prostitutes are harder to get.

it's so weird that people need to drink water. like what the hell is that?

Sarah Henderson: There was a time in my life (6 years ago) where tall skinny pretty looking Asian men found me attractive. Life was easy back then. See “before” pic below.

wait! i guess even SHE talks about being fat!

Sarah Henderson: +15 lbs. of weight, +10 lbs. of make-up and 100’s of tanning sessions later… I ONLY attract Hispanics and black guys… I don’t think being +6 years older helps either… since I’m having a hard time losing weight… my only choice is to wear lots of make-up and stay tan so I don’t just look like a FAT FOB… =( life is hard…... all you younger women out there RIDING the gravy train with the Asian guys… ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, CUZ IT AIN’T GONNA BE FOREVER!... take it from the veteran…

i wonder if there's a pie chart for that..

i don't care what anyone says, these are SIIIIIICCKKKK!

REMEMBER IN '99 WHEN WE USED TO CUT THE WAIST OFF OUR JEANS!??!??!!

TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT!

.. this wasn't then.. this was now.

for the creatives that need a visual

if they can't find their way home.. I SWEEEEAARRRRR..

NYTimes/David Brooks

Two things happened to Sandra Bullock this month. First, she won an Academy Award for best actress. Then came the news reports claiming that her husband is an adulterous jerk. So the philosophic question of the day is: Would you take that as a deal? Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow?

On the one hand, an Academy Award is nothing to sneeze at. Bullock has earned the admiration of her peers in a way very few experience. She’ll make more money for years to come. She may even live longer. Research by Donald A. Redelmeier and Sheldon M. Singh has found that, on average, Oscar winners live nearly four years longer than nominees that don’t win.

Nonetheless, if you had to take more than three seconds to think about this question, you are absolutely crazy. Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.

This isn’t just sermonizing. This is the age of research, so there’s data to back this up. Over the past few decades, teams of researchers have been studying happiness. Their work, which seemed flimsy at first, has developed an impressive rigor, and one of the key findings is that, just as the old sages predicted, worldly success has shallow roots while interpersonal bonds permeate through and through.

For example, the relationship between happiness and income is complicated, and after a point, tenuous. It is true that poor nations become happier as they become middle-class nations. But once the basic necessities have been achieved, future income is lightly connected to well-being. Growing countries are slightly less happy than countries with slower growth rates, according to Carol Graham of the Brookings Institution and Eduardo Lora. The United States is much richer than it was 50 years ago, but this has produced no measurable increase in overall happiness. On the other hand, it has become a much more unequal country, but this inequality doesn’t seem to have reduced national happiness.

On a personal scale, winning the lottery doesn’t seem to produce lasting gains in well-being. People aren’t happiest during the years when they are winning the most promotions. Instead, people are happy in their 20’s, dip in middle age and then, on average, hit peak happiness just after retirement at age 65.

People get slightly happier as they climb the income scale, but this depends on how they experience growth. Does wealth inflame unrealistic expectations? Does it destabilize settled relationships? Or does it flow from a virtuous cycle in which an interesting job produces hard work that in turn leads to more interesting opportunities?

If the relationship between money and well-being is complicated, the correspondence between personal relationships and happiness is not. The daily activities most associated with happiness are sex, socializing after work and having dinner with others. The daily activity most injurious to happiness is commuting. According to one study, joining a group that meets even just once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income. According to another, being married produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year.

If you want to find a good place to live, just ask people if they trust their neighbors. Levels of social trust vary enormously, but countries with high social trust have happier people, better health, more efficient government, more economic growth, and less fear of crime (regardless of whether actual crime rates are increasing or decreasing).

The overall impression from this research is that economic and professional success exists on the surface of life, and that they emerge out of interpersonal relationships, which are much deeper and more important.

The second impression is that most of us pay attention to the wrong things. Most people vastly overestimate the extent to which more money would improve our lives. Most schools and colleges spend too much time preparing students for careers and not enough preparing them to make social decisions. Most governments release a ton of data on economic trends but not enough on trust and other social conditions. In short, modern societies have developed vast institutions oriented around the things that are easy to count, not around the things that matter most. They have an affinity for material concerns and a primordial fear of moral and social ones.

This may be changing. There is a rash of compelling books — including “The Hidden Wealth of Nations” by David Halpern and “The Politics of Happiness” by Derek Bok — that argue that public institutions should pay attention to well-being and not just material growth narrowly conceived.

Governments keep initiating policies they think will produce prosperity, only to get sacked, time and again, from their spiritual blind side.

insight: chicks.

wedding pic, taken by professional photographer.

if being asian didn't have the drawback, of being asian, i would SO wanna be asian and have a fast matabolism. ...asian.

yer muffin topin out of em anyhow..

bing is trying to mislead you into buying a pair of these, today. put your gay husband's cc away.

How'd you knowwww!!!!???

Celebrity Paychecks: Wonder what Charlie Sheen, Simon Cowell, Katie Couric & others make?

but wait, there's more..

Sarah Henderson: Men are attracted to domestic females b/c you remind them of their mother. Who else in his life does he know who cooks, cleans and walks his dog. The difference is you’ll give him a BJ while doing his chores. Girls, stop making up for your lack of personality with your domestic skills.Be honest with yourself; you and I... both know your boyfriend is cheating on you. Party girls excite him sexually, you and his mom don’t

daily fill..

some sarah henderson quotes from this am:

the type of guys i'm "physically" attracted to ARE NOT attracted to me... I live a difficult life ugh...

I like tall skinny pretty looking asian boys... they don't like dark, curvy foul-mouthed asian girls =(

Just because “financially stable” is one of my top 3 criteria’s for the type of men I like to date does not make me a “gold-digger” - I’m just being realistic – we all know financial burden can ruin a relationship… and no one said I didn’t want to be successful… It’s just as bad as a guy who would make “big-boobs” as their top 3

since I don't intend on having any kids... i'll be WORKING for sure... hahaha... need to make sure I keep in contact with the outside world in case... I get a divorce... I still have somewhere to find a man =) MY BOSS

George V.W. Bush will do away with em..

i base the fact that our economy is turning around, by the fact that sbux is back to using their own lids, not "solo".

Ohio woman killed over Easter attire

COLUMBUS, Ohio - Police in Ohio say a woman shot her cousin to death during an argument that started because one woman didn't think the other was dressed properly for Easter dinner.

Columbus police Officer Jean Holmes said in court Tuesday that the leg-baring shorts worn by 19-year-old Danielle Pickens sparked a verbal and physical confrontation with 42-year-old Evelyn Burgess on Sunday at Burgess' home.

Police say Pickens walked outside to leave and Burgess shot her in the head with a handgun. Pickens died at a hospital early Monday.

urgess is charged with one count of murder. During her initial court appearance Tuesday, Franklin County Municipal Court Judge William Pollitt set bond at $500,000.

There was no immediate comment from Burgess' public defender.

for one fat fuck.

kfc unveils their new "double-down"

oh ya no, you're right.. he wasn't smart, he just needed to trim his toenails..

this is it.. and THIS is serious.

Sarah Henderson: T – 8 hrs til’ SAN FRANCISCO! Tonight David & Busters for Asian night and half-off drinks! Fri: Lunch at Google (future husband hunting), SF Warriors Game and to the bars! Sat: Fairfield to see the Easter Bunny and Clubbing Sun: Easter Parade and Fisherman’s Wharf! Mon: EAT EAT EAT and Recoup =) ♥ visiting my favorite B****