i wasn't gonna post this.. but mr. bear is re-introduced..

Rejected by the Chinese Man (Frustrations Part 1)

Today at 1:23am

Dear Diary,

Honestly, I'm starting to get really frustrated. I don't get it.
Have my circumstances changed soo much that I am no longer appealing to men from my same ethnic group? Especially, physically.

It's quite demoralizing when the last few guys I've made an effort to hit on have in a way rejected me (a show of dis-interest makes it very obvious).

I mean, it's not that hard, you flirt a little bit, then try to make small physical advances on them and wah-la! you somehow end up talking about each others fav pastimes and he asks you for your number so you can "get-together" sometime...

Life is difficult I tell you. I feel like i'm trying to play soccer with a football... it just doesn't work no matter how much effort you put in because the damned football isn't round...

A lot of this has to do with my physical appearance and demeanor for sure... I don't get far enough with some of these guys for them to judge me any other way...

Of course, the type of guys I'm trying to hit on are these ultra-conservative, seemingly passive Chinese guys who barely glance at me even while i'm standing right in front of them... it's pretty sad =(

I guess I must admit that my super conservative Taiwanese mother may be right...
I never listened when she nagged me about being too "dark," wearing too much make-up, being too fat, talking too loudly and obnoxiously, being too masculine, dressing too revealing etc etc... and this list is endless...

I am not "STANDARD" and I understand that.... don't people like different anymore???

I guess I shouldn't be talking because i'm looking for a pretty standard Chinese man.

Anyways, I'm definitely not trying to force things to happen for me, i'm merely just "trying" because you can't just expect a perfect man to fall straight into your lap...

I don't NEED a man, but I would like to have the chance to have one that I am ACTUALLY attracted to or LIKE for that matter.... doesn't have to be now, but it surely seems like NEVER at this point because I somehow keep getting filtered out by these Chinese men... YOU SIFT FLOUR TO GET THE CLUMPS OUT RIGHT?! AND OBVIOUSLY I'M A PRETTY BIG CLUMP...

It's fine I guess...

This rut I am in is definitely perpetuating my current relationship status, which is the "I'm still trying to get over him completely" away message
i've had this record on replay for far too long and it's going to start driving me nutso....

I'm over it.... Mr. Bear and I think we are awesome and I LIKE my butt pudge/love handles neways... Chinese guys can suck it!