first date... which one?

i've never been on a date.

i'm serious.. they call me "flavor of the week" (yes, i turn guys like tp) but honestly the only date i'd ever been on was a year ago, to distract myself from j for a min.

i've decided to do a short series on some of my "first dates".

This is a blog for byron.. who subscribes to my RSS.

*throat clear*

i got an email one day, a couple years back now, from a drummer. yes, if i'm dating you you're a drummer.. but your name changes.

he claimed that a mutual aquaintence, cisqo adler, had told him about me when they'd played a show together. we started emailing and at some point down the line, we decided that i would go to his show that he was playing with buck cherry and tommy lee.

but let's cut to the meat/meet:

we decided to meet at a bar on july 4th, 2008.

i should prolly point out here, that he was in no way local. in fact, i had to fly to scottsdale, and stay with my best friend, in order to even see him.

well i didn't want to meet him alone in the middle of the night at a bar, like a loser. so i dragged her along.

we're there a few minutes before he shows up, and then we get to chatting, totally shutting my best friend out.

about ten minutes go by when i notice he's staring across the bar.

so i'm like "dude, you ok?"

"ya, ya.. sorry"

so we get to talkin again.. at which point he starts starin off.. AGAIN.

and so i interupt.. "who're you starin at.. do you wanna go talk to her?"

"YA!"

so he runs off across the bar to warmly embrace some girl, that is there with his lookalike.

he's gone for a few minutes, at which point i start to introduce my friend back into life.

he comes back..

"is there a story there?" -me

"sorry about that, that's my old roommate."

"ooohhhhh ok.."

so we start yappin again..

and then...


"I CAN'T DO THIS!!!" and he runs out.

we follow him out and he's like pacing back and forth. i'm like "dude what's wrong?"

"i'm sorry i'm sorry, you're so beautiful and i'm sorry"

"..."

"i've been in love with that girl for a year and a half, and we used to live together, but she won't date me, but now she's dating my freakin twin, are you kidding!?"

so at this point i'm like "k this guy's dunzo anyhow, so i may as well be helpful me and lend some advice"

"sit down tell me your tale.."

so he procedes to tell me how he's been in love with her and what not, for 45 MINUTES.

as he slowly cools down, he realizes that he's been talking the whole time "i'm so sorry, you're so beautfiul, and you flew out her, and i'm so sorry, i really wanna date you"

"that's not going to happen.. but why don't i tell you a funny story, to get your mind off this?"

so i did.

it was the funniest story ever.

my craziest story EVER.

and he LOVED it.

but what i must point out here, is that this story was awful, graphic, crazy, scary, and beyond.. but it wasn't MY fault.. it was my environment, it was other people, it was EPIC.

he laughed HARD and for a long time.

so then i suggested he tell me a tale. [we're at two hours on the clock, and my friend is just sitting in a corner]

"i have the funniest story too!"

"k, shoot!"

"so my last band i was in, there were five of us.. we did everything together.. that's actually the band i played with for cisqo.. well one night, we had just done a set, and went out to celebrate.. we were coked out of our minds.. i was at the bar, eyein the crap out of this chick.. she was hot.. she was the hottest chick i'd ever seen.. i mean she was Fllllyyy."

"well'd you talk to her???"

"she had a wedding ring on.."

"YOU DID NOT!"

"..."

"shhhuutt up shut up shut up.. you did not!!!"

"well she was eyein me too"

"are you serious, i can't believe you did that, that's so sad"

"well there's more.."

"beyond sleeping with a married woman?"

"well she and her husband approached me and..."

"YOU HAD A THREESOME WITH A MARRIED COUPLE?"

"..."

"THERE'S MORE???"

" we went back to their place, we were all coked up, my band and i .."

"your band went"

"well.. my band, her husband and i.. we gangbanged her."


"WHAT???"

"in front of her dad."

"WHHHHHHHHHHHATTT"

at that point as you can imagine we decided to part ways.

sometime the next day, however, he talked me into hanging out at the house later that night.

we headed over after the show.. again, i brought my friend.

he actually was really cool, minus the gangbang.. so we swam around and hung out a bit talkin..

"you know, i'm super glad you gave me a second chance.. first i talk about my old roommate, then i tell you i'm in love with her.."

"dude, you thought THAT was the worst part??? what about the GANGBANG??"

"what?"

"the gangabang."

"which one?"